Q: We have one member who inserts herself into every aspect of church business. We have had people resign from committees because of her, and others lose sleep wondering what will be criticized next. Even the minister will never meet with this person on their own. What can we do?
A: Sadly, this is not a unique situation, and for some reason churches tend to put up with this type of behaviour far too often.
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The answer requires a couple of steps. The first is that the board chair and someone whom this person respects need to meet with her. The meeting should outline the member’s behaviour, inform her why it is not acceptable and tell her to stop. There should be time for this person to speak, not only to react, but to process what has been said to her. She may express both shock and hurt, but the key is to stop the behaviour. This should be followed up immediately with an email outlining the results of the meeting.
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If the behaviour continues, then a registered letter from the board should be sent to this person. It should refer to the in-person meeting and inform her that this behaviour is destructive and will not be tolerated. I would also inform the regional council of your actions before the letter is delivered.
You need to be ready for a number of outcomes, including an escalation. But focus solely on preventing the problematic behaviour in the future. If it continues unabated, the last option is to have the board remove this person from the church under their authority in the Manual.
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Rev. Christopher White is a United Church minister who lives in Hamilton. Do you have a query for Question Box? Email christopher.white143@gmail.com.
This column first appeared in Broadview’s October/November 2024 issue with the title “Question Box.”
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