How memorizing the Gospel of Mark helped me grieve my wife’s death

In January 2022, about one year after my beloved wife Robin’s merciful death from early-onset Alzheimer’s, I found myself mired in acute grief and increasing existential despair. Having retired seven years earlier from my longstanding ministry as a hospice chaplain to help Robin live as normally and fully as possible, I now felt totally lost, exhausted and empty. As someone who had soared for many years both personally and professionally, I found myself hopelessly stuck to the tarmac without fuel or a flight plan.

Then I suddenly recalled attending an event at a downtown Toronto church hall in 1978 where someone had recited the entire Gospel of Mark from memory. As a first-year seminarian at Emmanuel College preparing for ordained United Church ministry, this experience had moved me deeply, making the story of Jesus more engaging, intimate, and compelling than ever before.

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I also remembered thinking at the time that as someone who had a pretty good memory, as evidenced by my all-night cramming sessions from back in the day, perhaps down the road I could give Mark a go too.

I soon completely forgot about the event. That is, until a few years ago when I decided to test my memory, knowing full well that I could bail at any time.

Over the next few weeks, I experimented with how best to organize the text in ways which aided my recall. I soon learned that I needed to type out the content using no more than six words on a line with spaces separating different aspects of each chapter. Highlighting all the many quotations, not only those of Jesus, was also very helpful as was my technique for folding each page in half widthwise to better focus.

However, even with a commitment of four hours daily, I was only able to learn about 50 words of new material and was struggling to retain the growing amount of memorized content. At times during those first few months, Mark and I had repeated flare-ups, giving up on each other several times. Yet some nuanced sense of a tender beckoning would always surface after a few days, prompting us to give each other another try.

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Over the next two years, Mark and I grew closer and closer, a natural result of spending at least eight hours a day together. Moreover, I began memorizing new material much quicker and started reciting Mark silently on long walks and when riding public transit. I even started reciting some Mark immediately upon waking, as well as when drifting off to sleep

By the end of June 2024, I could recite the Gospel of Mark through chapter 15 which most biblical scholars consider its original ending. I was also becoming increasingly adept at reciting this content, about 14,000 words, in an engaging, conversational and understated manner with only periodic lapses when I had to briefly refer to the text. Shortly afterwards, “Embraced by the Story of Jesus!’ was conceived.

I envisioned myself as a kind of “Gospel troubadour” reciting Mark from memory in two parts, allowing for an intermission and a concluding Q&A. The entire event would take place in less than two-and-a-half hours and, depending on the venue, could also serve as a charitable fundraiser. As September rolled around, it was clear to Mark and me that it was time for us to leave our safe nest of concepts and practice.

As of July 2025, I’ve shared “Embraced by the Story of Jesus” with four congregations and also with Emmanuel College, where three of my former seminary classmates delighted me by showing up. Buoyed by the overwhelmingly positive response of attendees, many of whom have been longtime churchgoers who shared how they had been profoundly touched as though hearing the story for the first time, I feel humbled, empowered and full of gratitude.

Whether or not any more gigs await Mark and me is anyone’s guess. But I know that the Gospel of Mark is now and forever embedded in my DNA. “Embraced by the Story of Jesus” has blessed me beyond measure and gradually enabled me over the last three years to get my game back. I have broken free from the tarmac and taken flight. Unfettered, I might soon soar again!

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Gordon Postill is a retired United Church minister who served congregations in Nova Scotia and Ontario, as well as hospices in Florida and Massachusetts, during 35 years of ministry.